I will write your thank you notes

Who likes writing thank-you letters? You stare the page for hours, struggling with guilt and obligation and connotation, trying desperately to come up with a sincere-sounding paragraph about that sweater Aunt Edna got you. It's enough to suck the last bit of joy out of a birthday or Christmas. Luckily for you, I can lie to your Aunt Edna without compunction. That sweater is lovely! All your friends are jealous! Pom-poms are really in right now!