I will write a story with you as the main character

Tell me a few things about your self, and the three items nearest to you, and I'll turn it into a full length short story. Genre and element requests are okay, but not necessary. I once wrote an epic tale about a coked out drummer that travels to a fantasy land and fought a dragon and married a princess, because the three items nearest me were a coke bottle, rock band drums, and a nerf sword.