I will record a piece of strawman dialogue

For five dollars, I will record a piece of text of your choosing in the most despicable, sniveling voice imaginable. I will pose as the most miserable, lowly, ignorant member of whatever subculture or opinion you wish to discredit. Leftists? I'll record a breathless rant about how the white man should be culturally enriched by a swarm of immigrants, how we should pay billions to Africa and tax everyone 90%. 
Rightists? I'll record a screaming, raging barrage of ignorance about how niggergaymuslims are stealing America, how poor people are just lazy and how superior 'Murka (or a country of your choosing) is.
Centrists? That's the place for a sniveling, indecisive stream of apologies, "maybe"s and "partially"s. 
If you want a bad example of your opposition's opinion to aid in your argument, I'll be there.